The Bathroom

Disclaimer: Some of the material may not be suitable for the squeamish

It's a place we frequent often throughout our day, whether it's for number 1, number 2 or 1.5.* *when you have to pee, but think you may have to doodoo as well, so you sit and check emails, and realize that doodoo ain't really come out, yet you still choose to wipe. You visit to check your wardrobe, your teeth, rinse with mouthwash, pick a booger, or fart. It's our sanctuary away from home (though you unfortunately have to share it with others, and at times, they bomb the shit out of it, leaving you clueless as to what that person ate...like WTF!!)

Through my years in bathroom visits, I've analyzed many things, such as the "Fart rule", the infamous "courtesy flush", and many other experiences one may encounter.

Why is it that some people feel awkward with farting in a bathroom? Really? It's the mothafuckin' bathroom people. That's what it's there for. You cook in the kitchen, you fart in the bathroom...plain and simple lol. Eliminate farts in the bathroom, expect a fart in the hallway...you wouldn't like them apples would you? I thought so. So please, put aside your fears of what others think, and just let the shit come out (no pun intended). I just don't get what would make people say that farting in the bathroom is "messed up". So you're telling me I can shit my brains out for 15 long, tortorous minutes, yet I can't fart while I'm peeing? You buggin' lol

Speakin' of poops, the courtesy flush has become obsolete in today's world, mainly due to the disposable seat cover. Try and courtesy flush with it under your ass, you will be touchin' porcelain. So please, don't be mad at me for not courtesy flushin'. I gotta deal with the smell myself, so relaxxxx.

But you know what I won't relax about, people that don't wash their hands after peeing (or even dookie-ing). Ya just nasty. Really? So you have immaculate penis, or wear 99.9% germ killing anti-bacterial lotion on your shit? I don't think so fam. So do us a favor and wash your hands, that shit is just nasty.

Ever had the phantom shit? That's the number 2 where you sit there...waiting....waiting...and nothing. Yet you feel the need to swipe anyway, and guess what? You actually have to cleannnn. Yup folks, you've witnessed the phantom poop. There's something on the paper, but nothin in the bowl. It's a mystery as to where it goes.

How about the Napolean Complex poop? That's the one where you're OD strainin', envisioning a huge mojon (pronounced mo-john lol) comin' out and when you look...shit look like Goldfish pellets lol

The infamous (and most preferred) Clean Sweep doodoo. That's the one where you swipe and there's nothing...saving the environment one poop at a time lol...now that's what you call "goin' green" lol

Any more experiences are welcome...