The long awaited "Things I Hate Part 2" is finally here...
1) Hot Pizza
Ever burned the shit out of the roof of your mouth? If so, join the club. I always order "a slice, not too hot" yet always get "a slice, hope you burn the roof of your mouth hot." It's like the pizza dude purposely leaves it in a bit too long, gives me the slice, looks over at his pizza buddies and says "watch this...dude's gonna burn the shit out of his mouth." That's a sick game my friend...a sick game
2) First Sip of Hot Chocolate (pause)
Speaking of things that are hot, who else gets extremely scared when taking the first sip of hot chocolate. It's like venturing into the unknown. The actions are all the same - you take the cup and bring it to your mouth at a consistent pace, but once the lid touches your lip, everything is in slow motion. Your hands begin to tremble because you really don't know how hot the damn chocolate is. You tip the cup over and just sit back and wait, yet regardless of how cautious you are, you still burn the shit out of your tongue. That my friends, is the worst. It's about half a day's worth of numbness, and everything you eat after just doesn't taste the same.
3) The False Alarm Poop
Ever feel like you have to take a poop and you're certain it's gonna be a good one, so you run to the bathroom with content and delight all to find out it was just a fart? Yea, that shit sucks (no pun intended). It's like getting a huge box for Christmas thinking its a nice sound system or something, but when you open it up its a $15 giftcard to Starbucks. SMH...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I'm Backkkkkkkk!!!!
The infamous Verdugo blog is back by popular demand. It's been a long time since I last posted, so I have to get some of the rust off...stay tuned, and enjoy...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Things I Hate Part 1
After a long hiatus, I've returned to bring you a new series in the Verdugo Chronicles. This will be an ongoing series, detailing things that I personally despise/hate. Hope you enjoy (and I bet most agree lol).
1) Wet Socks
The fuckin' worst feeling in the world. Not only do your feet get wrinklier than old balls (pause), it just feels like you're walking around with sponges for shoes. They never seem to fuckin' stay on your feet (You know what I'm talkin' about...the sock's toebox never stays on and just hangs off your foot like foreskin lol...then when you walk, you try not to step on the fold since it's annoying as fuck...so you walk in a way that just makes this little extra piece of baggy sock stay away from going under your step, and you end up walking like you have flippers on...anyone know what I'm talkin' about or is it just me? lol). Might as well add some Mistolin and slide around your wood floors and do something productive while you're at it.
2) Getting dressed in the bathroom after a shower
It may just be me, but I hate getting dressed after I shower, while STILL in the bathroom. I'm all damp, and never seem to get all the water off. I like going to my room, dryin' off completely and then putting on my clothes. The worst is having your boxers feel like semi-dry swimming trunks - just not a good look. Your wife-beater gets stuck to the droplets on your back. Your hair remains damp, so your shirt has little moist areas. What you thought was an efficient idea, ends up being an uncomfortable one.
3) Spelling errors/Improper use of words
Granted, my blog may have some spelling errors, but most are due to colloquialisms. Besides the fact, I hate when people misspell easy ass words or use the wrong form. Here are some examples:
"OMG, nothing is worst than that"
Really? Really? Did you not learn superlatives in 8th grade? Bad, worse, worst. Punto.
Or the infamous
"I'm older then you"
Then? Really? THAN people...THAN...it's a word used in comparisons...Jesus H. (H stands for Horatio) Christ...
There are plenty of other words, but the list is longer than Tiger Wood's list of females lol...
Things I Hate Part 2...coming soon
1) Wet Socks
The fuckin' worst feeling in the world. Not only do your feet get wrinklier than old balls (pause), it just feels like you're walking around with sponges for shoes. They never seem to fuckin' stay on your feet (You know what I'm talkin' about...the sock's toebox never stays on and just hangs off your foot like foreskin lol...then when you walk, you try not to step on the fold since it's annoying as fuck...so you walk in a way that just makes this little extra piece of baggy sock stay away from going under your step, and you end up walking like you have flippers on...anyone know what I'm talkin' about or is it just me? lol). Might as well add some Mistolin and slide around your wood floors and do something productive while you're at it.
2) Getting dressed in the bathroom after a shower
It may just be me, but I hate getting dressed after I shower, while STILL in the bathroom. I'm all damp, and never seem to get all the water off. I like going to my room, dryin' off completely and then putting on my clothes. The worst is having your boxers feel like semi-dry swimming trunks - just not a good look. Your wife-beater gets stuck to the droplets on your back. Your hair remains damp, so your shirt has little moist areas. What you thought was an efficient idea, ends up being an uncomfortable one.
3) Spelling errors/Improper use of words
Granted, my blog may have some spelling errors, but most are due to colloquialisms. Besides the fact, I hate when people misspell easy ass words or use the wrong form. Here are some examples:
"OMG, nothing is worst than that"
Really? Really? Did you not learn superlatives in 8th grade? Bad, worse, worst. Punto.
Or the infamous
"I'm older then you"
Then? Really? THAN people...THAN...it's a word used in comparisons...Jesus H. (H stands for Horatio) Christ...
There are plenty of other words, but the list is longer than Tiger Wood's list of females lol...
Things I Hate Part 2...coming soon
Monday, January 11, 2010
American Idol
It's that time again...
As much as I hate the show (it was pretty cool at first, but it fell off faster than 3LW's career...stupid Cheetah girls), you have to admit that the auditions are the best part. I usually watch for the funny/idiotic/ridiculous auditions, since they are highly entertaining. Seriously, some of these people must not have friends, and if they do, those friends might not care enough about them. There are some individuals that must be part of a mean joke cuz they honestly have no talent lol. If I were their friend, I would tell them to save themselves from the humiliation, but at the same time, it's fuckin' funny as fuck (alliteration at its best lol). If one of my friends had a booger, I'd tell him he had a bat in the cave. That's just what good friends do. If they smell like ass, or their breath smells like they ate caca, I'd suggest a shower or give them gum. Again, I'm a good friend. Furthermore, if my friends sucked at singin', I wouldn't let them humiliate themselves (ok maybe a little piece of me would let them make a fool of themselves, you never know, they can become the next William Hung and get a record deal...we'd be the next Entourage babyyyyy lol).
Would I audition knowin' I suck? Probably lol...but there are people who shouldn't even be let out the house, let alone audition. The fact that these types of people exist in society scares me lol...
As much as I hate the show (it was pretty cool at first, but it fell off faster than 3LW's career...stupid Cheetah girls), you have to admit that the auditions are the best part. I usually watch for the funny/idiotic/ridiculous auditions, since they are highly entertaining. Seriously, some of these people must not have friends, and if they do, those friends might not care enough about them. There are some individuals that must be part of a mean joke cuz they honestly have no talent lol. If I were their friend, I would tell them to save themselves from the humiliation, but at the same time, it's fuckin' funny as fuck (alliteration at its best lol). If one of my friends had a booger, I'd tell him he had a bat in the cave. That's just what good friends do. If they smell like ass, or their breath smells like they ate caca, I'd suggest a shower or give them gum. Again, I'm a good friend. Furthermore, if my friends sucked at singin', I wouldn't let them humiliate themselves (ok maybe a little piece of me would let them make a fool of themselves, you never know, they can become the next William Hung and get a record deal...we'd be the next Entourage babyyyyy lol).
Would I audition knowin' I suck? Probably lol...but there are people who shouldn't even be let out the house, let alone audition. The fact that these types of people exist in society scares me lol...
Monday, December 21, 2009
Winter
Back from another hiatus (genius doesn't happen overnight lol), I figured I'd discuss the season many dread: Winter.
As much as I love the Winter, there are a few things I hate about it. Yeah, hot chocolate with the marshmallows is the shit (except you never get to eat the marshmallows cuz they melt in the microwave; stupid marshmallows), or being bundled watchin' tv bummin' it is cool, but a few things remind you why the season is hated so much. Here are a few things that we hate during Winter.
1. Peeing
The whole peeing experience is enough to say guys have it pretty bad. How, you might ask? Ever wondered how it feels to hold your peepee to pee after coming from the blistering cold. Let's just say that our little guy disappears like a frightenend turtle. We are basically left with a clit and two balls...smh. Definitely not a fun experience.
2. Hot Chocolate w/ Marshmallows
Damn you SwissMiss, why couldn't you use better marshmallows. In my 24.95 yrs of existence (yes, .95 since my bday is next week lol), I have yet to be able to taste the mix of hot chocolate and marshmallows. Fuck you. (Sorry, had to rant again about the marshmallow situation)
3. The Train Seat
Fuck you guy with the huge ass coat, looking like the Stay Puff Marshmallow (damn I'm really thinkin' about marshmallows huh?) from Ghostbusters. I understand you wanna be warm and what not, but damn. Fuckin' coat looks like you have to inflate it with Helium before you leave the house. Jesus Christ! Now I gotta sit next to you, constricted in my mobility. I wish I carried a safety pin or a needle so I can pop your stupid North Faith coat (yes, North Faith...they exist...it's the Canal St. version of the North Face)
4. Ipod vs Gloves
Ever tried to lower/raise the volume on your Ipod with the dollar gloves? Impossible. The lack of friction from these gloves, makes it necessary to take off one of the gloves in the goddamn cold in order to change the volume. God forbid the next song is louder/lower than the previous one. You are back to square one my friend. Fuck you dollar gloves, you're great yet so useless.
5. Metrocard
Similar to number 4, ever tried to pull out your Metrocard with same dollar gloves. Impossible due to the same reasons in number 4 lol.
As much as I love the Winter, there are a few things I hate about it. Yeah, hot chocolate with the marshmallows is the shit (except you never get to eat the marshmallows cuz they melt in the microwave; stupid marshmallows), or being bundled watchin' tv bummin' it is cool, but a few things remind you why the season is hated so much. Here are a few things that we hate during Winter.
1. Peeing
The whole peeing experience is enough to say guys have it pretty bad. How, you might ask? Ever wondered how it feels to hold your peepee to pee after coming from the blistering cold. Let's just say that our little guy disappears like a frightenend turtle. We are basically left with a clit and two balls...smh. Definitely not a fun experience.
2. Hot Chocolate w/ Marshmallows
Damn you SwissMiss, why couldn't you use better marshmallows. In my 24.95 yrs of existence (yes, .95 since my bday is next week lol), I have yet to be able to taste the mix of hot chocolate and marshmallows. Fuck you. (Sorry, had to rant again about the marshmallow situation)
3. The Train Seat
Fuck you guy with the huge ass coat, looking like the Stay Puff Marshmallow (damn I'm really thinkin' about marshmallows huh?) from Ghostbusters. I understand you wanna be warm and what not, but damn. Fuckin' coat looks like you have to inflate it with Helium before you leave the house. Jesus Christ! Now I gotta sit next to you, constricted in my mobility. I wish I carried a safety pin or a needle so I can pop your stupid North Faith coat (yes, North Faith...they exist...it's the Canal St. version of the North Face)
4. Ipod vs Gloves
Ever tried to lower/raise the volume on your Ipod with the dollar gloves? Impossible. The lack of friction from these gloves, makes it necessary to take off one of the gloves in the goddamn cold in order to change the volume. God forbid the next song is louder/lower than the previous one. You are back to square one my friend. Fuck you dollar gloves, you're great yet so useless.
5. Metrocard
Similar to number 4, ever tried to pull out your Metrocard with same dollar gloves. Impossible due to the same reasons in number 4 lol.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Bathroom
Disclaimer: Some of the material may not be suitable for the squeamish
It's a place we frequent often throughout our day, whether it's for number 1, number 2 or 1.5.* *when you have to pee, but think you may have to doodoo as well, so you sit and check emails, and realize that doodoo ain't really come out, yet you still choose to wipe. You visit to check your wardrobe, your teeth, rinse with mouthwash, pick a booger, or fart. It's our sanctuary away from home (though you unfortunately have to share it with others, and at times, they bomb the shit out of it, leaving you clueless as to what that person ate...like WTF!!)
Through my years in bathroom visits, I've analyzed many things, such as the "Fart rule", the infamous "courtesy flush", and many other experiences one may encounter.
Why is it that some people feel awkward with farting in a bathroom? Really? It's the mothafuckin' bathroom people. That's what it's there for. You cook in the kitchen, you fart in the bathroom...plain and simple lol. Eliminate farts in the bathroom, expect a fart in the hallway...you wouldn't like them apples would you? I thought so. So please, put aside your fears of what others think, and just let the shit come out (no pun intended). I just don't get what would make people say that farting in the bathroom is "messed up". So you're telling me I can shit my brains out for 15 long, tortorous minutes, yet I can't fart while I'm peeing? You buggin' lol
Speakin' of poops, the courtesy flush has become obsolete in today's world, mainly due to the disposable seat cover. Try and courtesy flush with it under your ass, you will be touchin' porcelain. So please, don't be mad at me for not courtesy flushin'. I gotta deal with the smell myself, so relaxxxx.
But you know what I won't relax about, people that don't wash their hands after peeing (or even dookie-ing). Ya just nasty. Really? So you have immaculate penis, or wear 99.9% germ killing anti-bacterial lotion on your shit? I don't think so fam. So do us a favor and wash your hands, that shit is just nasty.
Ever had the phantom shit? That's the number 2 where you sit there...waiting....waiting...and nothing. Yet you feel the need to swipe anyway, and guess what? You actually have to cleannnn. Yup folks, you've witnessed the phantom poop. There's something on the paper, but nothin in the bowl. It's a mystery as to where it goes.
How about the Napolean Complex poop? That's the one where you're OD strainin', envisioning a huge mojon (pronounced mo-john lol) comin' out and when you look...shit look like Goldfish pellets lol
The infamous (and most preferred) Clean Sweep doodoo. That's the one where you swipe and there's nothing...saving the environment one poop at a time lol...now that's what you call "goin' green" lol
Any more experiences are welcome...
It's a place we frequent often throughout our day, whether it's for number 1, number 2 or 1.5.* *when you have to pee, but think you may have to doodoo as well, so you sit and check emails, and realize that doodoo ain't really come out, yet you still choose to wipe. You visit to check your wardrobe, your teeth, rinse with mouthwash, pick a booger, or fart. It's our sanctuary away from home (though you unfortunately have to share it with others, and at times, they bomb the shit out of it, leaving you clueless as to what that person ate...like WTF!!)
Through my years in bathroom visits, I've analyzed many things, such as the "Fart rule", the infamous "courtesy flush", and many other experiences one may encounter.
Why is it that some people feel awkward with farting in a bathroom? Really? It's the mothafuckin' bathroom people. That's what it's there for. You cook in the kitchen, you fart in the bathroom...plain and simple lol. Eliminate farts in the bathroom, expect a fart in the hallway...you wouldn't like them apples would you? I thought so. So please, put aside your fears of what others think, and just let the shit come out (no pun intended). I just don't get what would make people say that farting in the bathroom is "messed up". So you're telling me I can shit my brains out for 15 long, tortorous minutes, yet I can't fart while I'm peeing? You buggin' lol
Speakin' of poops, the courtesy flush has become obsolete in today's world, mainly due to the disposable seat cover. Try and courtesy flush with it under your ass, you will be touchin' porcelain. So please, don't be mad at me for not courtesy flushin'. I gotta deal with the smell myself, so relaxxxx.
But you know what I won't relax about, people that don't wash their hands after peeing (or even dookie-ing). Ya just nasty. Really? So you have immaculate penis, or wear 99.9% germ killing anti-bacterial lotion on your shit? I don't think so fam. So do us a favor and wash your hands, that shit is just nasty.
Ever had the phantom shit? That's the number 2 where you sit there...waiting....waiting...and nothing. Yet you feel the need to swipe anyway, and guess what? You actually have to cleannnn. Yup folks, you've witnessed the phantom poop. There's something on the paper, but nothin in the bowl. It's a mystery as to where it goes.
How about the Napolean Complex poop? That's the one where you're OD strainin', envisioning a huge mojon (pronounced mo-john lol) comin' out and when you look...shit look like Goldfish pellets lol
The infamous (and most preferred) Clean Sweep doodoo. That's the one where you swipe and there's nothing...saving the environment one poop at a time lol...now that's what you call "goin' green" lol
Any more experiences are welcome...
Monday, December 7, 2009
MTA - The "Fuck You" Experience
After a long hiatus, the blog is backkk
This morning, my hate for transit was reignited. It's not the train itself that I hate, but more those that I have to share the trip with. After the stupid "Insufficient Fare" message runs across the stupid little screen at the turnstile, and already missing my train because of it, I have to stand in the slowest line in the world (regardless of how many people are on it). You would think buying a Metrocard would not take as long as it does, yet people seem to never know how to use the fuckin' machines. C'mon son, you press the same parts of the damn touch screen every week, if not every month, yet you still get amnesia when its time to buy your metrocard. Shit is already become muscle memory to me, drink some fuck ginseng or something to help that wack ass memory. Then you got the fuckin' machine sayin' "No Bills," so you have that one person diggin' through change like a homeless dude diggin' through garbage. Another train passes by. Fuck you Metrocard Machine...fuck you.
It's now my turn, but the fuckin' credit card shit never works the first time. It's like you have to lube it up in order for it to accept the damn card. So I go to the stupid booth person (who's another fuckin' waste) and ask for a single ride. Asshole, gives me 4 dollars in quarters. Really? $4? A single ride is $2.25, yet she proceeds to give me an extra dollar in quarters like I'm doin' laundry or some shit. As I go back to purchase the card, the girl in front of me buys her card with (yes, you guessed it) a credit card. So after all that, I get my metrocard with my credit card, and now I'm walkin' around with 4 bucks in quarters...Fuck you booth lady.
This was just today. The MTA offers a "fuck you" experience every other day it seems. You have the lady with the Predator vision that can find an empty seat from a mile away and runs over every man, woman and child to get it. Then you have the "hefty" person that really thinks they can fit in that small cramped seat. Really? Your calf won't fit let alone your whole frame. Then you have the dick with the huge ass bookbag. I personally hate carrying around my gym bag, and try my best to keep it out of everyone's way. But then you have the Ninja Turtle in the face ass, who walks around with no regard for humanity. Fuck you.
Gettin' up for people also becomes a hassle. I, personally get up for elderly woman and pregnant ladies, but small children? In a packed train? Naaaaaa. First off little kid, you have the freshest legs out of all of us, so you can stand for a bit. Secondly, you can't blame me for thinking about the rest of the train. As an Economics major, you're taught about efficiency and the welfare of others. Do you think it makes sense for me (6ft tall) to give up my seat for a kid thats about 3ft tall? All I'm doin' is creating less space for everyone else by gettin' up, so please don't look at me wrong if I don't get up.
Honorable mentions:
Fuck you little kid that wants to look out the window and puts his/her foot all over you, not realizing they mighta stepped on shit and is fuckin' up your slacks.
Fuck you loud ass high school kids talkin' about "I can bag more bitches than you" or "I'm flyer than you"...little nigga won't even know what to do with a girl if they had a tutorial on youtube...
Fuck you dude/dudette that feels the need to try and fit in an already packed train when the conductor is sayin' "there's a train directly behind this one"...do you really think he/she is lyin'? Really? Cuz guess what? There really is a train behind it. The time you're wasting making a sorry attempt in gettin' into the train is equivalent to the time you'll be waiting for the next train. Is your job really that important that you have to hold up everyone else's commute? The only job I would imagine is important enough to be on time for is a surgeon/doctor. And guess what? If a doctor/surgeon had to be at the hospital ASAP, they'd take a cab dick....so again, fuck you...
This morning, my hate for transit was reignited. It's not the train itself that I hate, but more those that I have to share the trip with. After the stupid "Insufficient Fare" message runs across the stupid little screen at the turnstile, and already missing my train because of it, I have to stand in the slowest line in the world (regardless of how many people are on it). You would think buying a Metrocard would not take as long as it does, yet people seem to never know how to use the fuckin' machines. C'mon son, you press the same parts of the damn touch screen every week, if not every month, yet you still get amnesia when its time to buy your metrocard. Shit is already become muscle memory to me, drink some fuck ginseng or something to help that wack ass memory. Then you got the fuckin' machine sayin' "No Bills," so you have that one person diggin' through change like a homeless dude diggin' through garbage. Another train passes by. Fuck you Metrocard Machine...fuck you.
It's now my turn, but the fuckin' credit card shit never works the first time. It's like you have to lube it up in order for it to accept the damn card. So I go to the stupid booth person (who's another fuckin' waste) and ask for a single ride. Asshole, gives me 4 dollars in quarters. Really? $4? A single ride is $2.25, yet she proceeds to give me an extra dollar in quarters like I'm doin' laundry or some shit. As I go back to purchase the card, the girl in front of me buys her card with (yes, you guessed it) a credit card. So after all that, I get my metrocard with my credit card, and now I'm walkin' around with 4 bucks in quarters...Fuck you booth lady.
This was just today. The MTA offers a "fuck you" experience every other day it seems. You have the lady with the Predator vision that can find an empty seat from a mile away and runs over every man, woman and child to get it. Then you have the "hefty" person that really thinks they can fit in that small cramped seat. Really? Your calf won't fit let alone your whole frame. Then you have the dick with the huge ass bookbag. I personally hate carrying around my gym bag, and try my best to keep it out of everyone's way. But then you have the Ninja Turtle in the face ass, who walks around with no regard for humanity. Fuck you.
Gettin' up for people also becomes a hassle. I, personally get up for elderly woman and pregnant ladies, but small children? In a packed train? Naaaaaa. First off little kid, you have the freshest legs out of all of us, so you can stand for a bit. Secondly, you can't blame me for thinking about the rest of the train. As an Economics major, you're taught about efficiency and the welfare of others. Do you think it makes sense for me (6ft tall) to give up my seat for a kid thats about 3ft tall? All I'm doin' is creating less space for everyone else by gettin' up, so please don't look at me wrong if I don't get up.
Honorable mentions:
Fuck you little kid that wants to look out the window and puts his/her foot all over you, not realizing they mighta stepped on shit and is fuckin' up your slacks.
Fuck you loud ass high school kids talkin' about "I can bag more bitches than you" or "I'm flyer than you"...little nigga won't even know what to do with a girl if they had a tutorial on youtube...
Fuck you dude/dudette that feels the need to try and fit in an already packed train when the conductor is sayin' "there's a train directly behind this one"...do you really think he/she is lyin'? Really? Cuz guess what? There really is a train behind it. The time you're wasting making a sorry attempt in gettin' into the train is equivalent to the time you'll be waiting for the next train. Is your job really that important that you have to hold up everyone else's commute? The only job I would imagine is important enough to be on time for is a surgeon/doctor. And guess what? If a doctor/surgeon had to be at the hospital ASAP, they'd take a cab dick....so again, fuck you...
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